Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Baader Meinhof

A strange phenomenon happened with me just a few moments ago. Actually it started the day before yesterday when I read about the Baader Meinhof phenomenon on Wikipedia while Stumbling upon. The Phenomena occurs when "a person, after having learned some (usually obscure) fact, word, phrase, or other item for the first time, encounters that item again, perhaps several times, shortly after having learned it. This is a specialised version of the effect of serendipity."

After reading it, I realised that I have been looking for some name for it for so long myself coz it has happened with me innumerable times. And this morning, while reading newspaper I read about it again. Apparently baader meinhof was a terrorist organisation and a movie made on the subject has been nominated for an Oscar in the foreign language film category.

How more co-incidental could it be, a phrase so uncommon that i learnt about it so late and now, jst within 2 days of discovering it, I confront it again. Wow! Baader meinhof of Baader Meinhof!!

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

"Freedom is doing what you like"

I recently read a book by Sudha Murty "How I taught my grandmother to read" which is a collection of short stories based on her true experiences. There was a story in it by the name "Freedom is doing what you like". As I was reading through it, I realised that this is what I believe in, this is something I've seen very closely and observed.

The story is about two students who she meets on a train. Both of them are going to join a medical college ; both have been born and brought-up in different conditions and this is what sets them apart.The first one is from a rich and affluent family but has been spoon-fed all his life and the other boy hails from a village, grew up in a free atmosphere, 'as a tree in a forest' in his own words. I could somehow relate myself to the first guy, not entirely though. I too sometimes feel that I was brough-up in an overprotective environment. My parents are no doubt very caring and loving towards me, but as Sudha mentions in her story, too much of it can become like a golden noose in the neck.
It's not like I was not allowed to make my own decisions regarding my career or my future, it's just about those small things you do daily....a li'll bit of mischief, some innocent adventure, some falling and then rising again. Why are we tied down? Why are we asked to follow a well-crafted path and not let alone to find our own way? Discipline doesn't necessarily have to be suffocating. It can be instilled more successfully by making the child more responsible for himself and his ways. Agreed, that they don't want their child to go through the same 'bad' experiences that they underwent and learn from their mistakes. But isn't it worth noticing that those 'bad' experiences too played a part in making them what they are?
Afterall, it is those early days which have a major impact on what a man becomes later in his life. And this is not done yet....after a period, parents let go, they have to! And this is when realisation dawns upon them that their child is not exactly as they wanted him to be. Its like when an animal born n brought-up in captivity is one day let to fend for himself in the wild. He's new to this world....has seen it....but from a safe distance....has lived in it, but within a shell of his own. This is what over-protection does. It steals away the chance to earn those golden hands-on experiences, that confidence that you get by living your life on your own terms.
I feel I could have been more confident, more mature and wiser if I was left on my own most of the times, early in my life instead of being given 'direct commands' for doing anything and everything. Learning through personal experiences cannot be substituted by anything else. Still, the situation wasn't as bad for me as with many other children i see now. In this current age of fierce competition in studies and jobs, parents seem too eager to control every aspect of a child's life. But, they must understand that mere providing of facilities and then dishing out their wishes won't suffice for the true development of child. Like, if you provide a plant with the right kind of manures, nourish it, keep it safe from weeds n pests and water regularly BUT fail to provide it with enough space to grow and spread, the plant would have narrow growth prospects, same is the case with a child, you'll only limit his spectrum, make him uni-dimensional.......not the all-rounder or the confident ready-for-anything man that you always wanted him to be. So, it is better to let the birdie try when wings develop enough to fly....let him fall, for he will rise and soon he'll be ready take on the sky!

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Inconsistency no. 2

This is a thing I've observed very lately.....that most of my frnds are either of dominant personality or are talkative in general. I don't actually know if this all is by default or just of the way I am. I love to listen, I listen to evryone just don't talk enough....may be thts the reason I've never had a fight or even an altercation with anyone since as long back as i remember....off-the sporting feild tht is(i'm quite different when i'm playing!)...I generally stay subdued and let my peers take the lead. And why don't I take the initiative?...who knows!? My usual answer to any1 is "I don't know...as u wish!". Be it my mother asking 'wht should i make for dinner 2day?' or my friends asking 'where to go out 2day?' or a plain 'wht'll you have?' at a restaurant,...i'm never very particular about anything...compromise with most of the things, not at all demanding...now, I know all that may be sounding very meek....but that's the way I am :D. This is another one of my inconsistencies....I don't like to force my authority over anyone...even with those who i have a right on, who're close to me, my best of friends(may be coz of my insecurity).But with my family, I act like crazy...don't listen 2 mom....boss over my bro....I love thm a lot from within ....but then why do I act so mean with them?....do I need to answer this?...you get the point..right?

Saturday, January 12, 2008

Full of inconsistencies!

My life is full of inconsistencies...or rather i'm full of them. i act so ambiguous...so indecisive and strange, all at the same time. Here is one of those inconsistencies(which i'm aware of!)

I am usually very subdued and quiet in normal routines of life....but once i set my feet inside a sports field, be it cricket, basketball, or any othr sport for tht matter, i automatically become very aggressive, fearless...i smetimes find it hard to believe tht way i act then. Smething inside me just boosts me up to levels i wudn't othrwise go, no matter wht. Or to generalise it further, its not only a sports field but anywhere where i can prove my competency, i become aggressive......i can't exactly answer why! May be coz i'm essentially that competetive by nature, but if thts the real me thn why don't i act tht way normally?. Do i fear failure in areas i feel less competent or if i'm tht aggressive from the inside...why don't i vent out....or is thr a D-day assigned to it too....for me to burst out!?
If i'm unhappy with smething i just keep it to myself...don't convey fearing tht the othr person may feel disappointed or unhappy. If i'm angry.....i don't just vent it out....i keep raging inside(not for long though) bt stay calm on the outside.....while it may look like a good trait ...i fear its long-term consequences......Am i becoming more of a spineless person?......a meek...one who can not standup for what he believes in? Is that anyhow lowering my self-esteem?
Though i am very particular abt how evrything in the world shud be(i'm basically an idealist)...bt still let evrything be..i let go of ppl if they want, as if i'm not at all attached to them..or never was.Although I have an opinion on evrything....which thankfully remains unaffected by others' opinions, evn if othrs are unhappy wid it, but still i don't show it..rather i act as if i've bought their way of thinking....again coz of the fear of being taken wrong!....Am i deceiving them that way? Though whenever i feel that someone is taking an extremely 'wrong' point of view i do stand up for what i feel stongly...it is usually on topics which have got nothing to do with us personally. I am very diplomatic and try to stay politically correct when it's got smething to do wid my opinion on ppl...even with those who're very close to me....and tht is not a good thing(even if it makes smeone happy). Is it just coz i've become overtly optimist..(hopelessly optimist?) that i manage to find good in evrything( trying to score brownie points) and ignore all that is wrong? Why don't i open up even to those whom i have so much faith in?

i dunno where this is going.....so i'll stop it here!

P.S-Though most of my posts may seem to have a pessimistic undertone, i'm an eternal optimist!....its just that i feel relieved after writing down my thoughts!, and this way i'm just trying to make up for being so eccentric and introverted all this while.

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

Surprisingly pleasant day....

hehe....was fearing this day....bt nothing of tht sorts happened.....got 2 good news 2day......
the first one well....is a secret :D
and the second one....is not quite the type to brag about.....its jst tht CAT results weren't as bad as i had feared...so my terrible day turned out to be a pleasant one! :D
as always...my Verbal n Data Interpretation sections were very good......and the quantitative aptitude was as pathetic as i had expected.

but the real battle hasn't even begun for me......it'll be another ball game converting the interview & GD calls.....tht'll be my biggest test! hope 2 excel in tht......jst hope...coz i'm an ass :X ...... hvn't been regular in my GD preparatory classess...there's a new excuse everytime....bt i'll make sure it stops from now on.....thursday.... i'll definitely go tht day!

omg....jst got a news...SNAP results r out too.......just hope the day ends on a good note too!...servers r down....its pretty jammed right now......i'm jst praying!

damn the servers!.....this is the case with all the sites tht come out with results....xcept for the boards' ones.....they're govt. managed bt still work better than those of othr professional website maintenance companies.....kudos to nic for tht!

aah!...seems like it jst won't work today...may b coz it doesn't wants to spoil my day...or night whtevr :D

Sunday, January 6, 2008

terrible day......

i jst screwed it!....had my XAT today......made a mess of it. :X

I had caught cold......n had a running nose throughout the exam....n it took most of my time and evn more of my concentration! :X

god!..i was waiting for this exam for so long....had so many expectations....wanted to do really well in this one!...

you really wish you didn't had a nose when this happens......really feel like shouting out at the top of my voice! gosh!....i was counting on this xam:(.....n all of this this had to happen only today? feel like beating smeone up.

damn! damn! damn!



n yeah i forgot....top it up by another ugly news....India lost the second test match against Australia falling to some really bizarre decisions by the umpires....i took the bad jugments in the 1st innings as just a bad day for umpires........bt what i saw on TV after coming bak home was outrageous to say the least! The umpires were giving indian batsmen out at will...looked as if they were handing out a new year gift to the aussies in d form of a record of 16 consecutive test wins:X

i had a lot of respect for the aussies......bt this one day has changed it all.

All in all it was a really really really terrible and forgetful day!



bt the worse is yet to come...CAT results r to b announced by 8th or 9th....my family has high hopes....bt i'm not feeling too positive about it....it wudn't be bad though.....bt just not good enough. I don't know why do i stop just short of my destination....y can't i cover just tht last mile?....there have been many such instances in my life.....where i almost reached here....and yet couldn't make it!...for which i feel too ashamed to even think of...let alone mentioning!

B+ve..yup...ironically thts my blood group too! :D

Saturday, December 29, 2007

Exploring deep inside...

I don't kno if anyone wud evn care to read this. This is actually my second blog but with the first one still waiting to be inaugurated, this one bags the honour of being my first proper blog. I really don't kno why i decided upon starting a blog of my own....may b I had some innate desire to write...or may b I feel no one in the real world understands me! I feel that i can express myself better through writing n not verbally and this is primarily because of my being an introvert. rather...introvert wud nt be the right word here.....it shud be Overconscious! I tend to care to much about what others think of me, what sort of an impression am i giving or how do i come across as a person? i just cannot enjoy myself freely at a public place.......god only knows what happens my ever-so-carefree attitude thn! I am very terse and inarticulate when i speak....bt when i write...i become verbose...i write it in a flow,spontaneity....words just come out...thoughts emerge all by themselves. Either i am really bad at communicating or it is just tht don't push myself hard enough. Well this can be a start....even though a lame one!
I can claim to be the least creative person on the earth(though it'd be silly....coz i hvn't met tht many ppl). Though I'm surrounded by some very good ppl all around, have gr8 frnds, I still feel I'm still quite unexplored....most of the times,I surprise myself...i'm still trying to kno the real me. Am I a hypocrite?...narcissist?....haughty?...snobbish....hmm...may b...am nt too sure. Or is it just tht i don't wanna think of myself like tht.I smetimes feel like I jst try to b nice to evry1 and take evrything positively coz i want myself 2 feel like i'm a good n a generous person.....this is the part which confuses me the most...am i really tht good frm d inside or is it jst the desire to b known as a good person which lures me into behaving like tht? If its the latter one...thn tht'll b very selfish of me. or will it be? coz i'd be the same to the people either way. But then i also strongly believe that anything which is done by anyone is for selfish reasons....evn if he does it for sme1 else's good......it is ultimately done to satisfy his own conscience, to make him feel good abt himself. So is this a common trait or jst unique to me?Again, i'd hate to think tht way for myself...so i'll smehow manage to find reasons to deny tht.....n thts an inborn trait in me.:D Is all tht coz of overconfidence? too much pride abt nothing?.....hehe...wht an irony!...confidence is wht i consider as the trait i lack the most...n here i am calling myself overconfident.....pretty strange to realise tht both the things can very well b present in a person at the same time!I don't like to socialise much, love being alone, laziest person alive....oh yeah!...can claim tht title with gr8 conviction!
gosh! i can go on and on abt myself forevr :D....i dunno y i can't keep my mind free so tht i can concentrate on othr meaningful things rather thn continuously observing others' and my own behaviours n reactions....i'm always thinking...always!...evry waking minute of mine is spent in thinking, most of which is rubbish....thinking too many things at the same time.....this is y most of the ppl take me or pass me off as absent-minded. Usually, my carefree attitude breaks all the barriers and it becomes more like an utterly careless attitude towards evrything- life,parents,friends,career,studies. Calling myself lazy thn wud b jst a euphemism!

Why am i so ambiguous?so indecisive and so unsure about myself.....evn after 21 years of existence?


Do i lack the will power? Why can't i stop being so lenient and keep a tab on myself? I strongly believe in the phrase "it's all in the mind". We can control everything concerning ourselves with our mind......be it our breathing, anger,feelings... even our pulse. We can even heal ourselves through the power of our mind........coz this is where faith originates from,the mind! And faith can heal the most grievous of pains, overcome the most trying of circumstances.
So, why can't i just force myself into believing anything i want to? or wud love to believe? is it coz i'm already aware of the truth that it is nothing but just a state of mind!? Again, the answer would be.......i don't know!(or am i just pretending not to know?)


the exploration continues.........